Aishwarya Rai is UGLY!!!!

Ok we don't mean that. We thought that headline would get people reading. But we must say the coverage of Aishwarya Rai in India is pretty disgusting and overly flattering. If you Google News her, every headline is "Why Aishwarya Rai rocks" or "Aishwarya is the best" or "Aishwarya cures young boy of cancer". It's a bit much. She is a hot chick - no doubt, but writing an article to praise her really isn't journalism.

We also must question Ash's business sense. She picked Bride & Prejudice over doing the romantic comedy Hitch with Will Smith (Can anyone say bad career move?) and now she maybe missing out on another opportunity to work with Smith because of a scheduling conflict with an Indian movie. Bollywood movies will come and go but Will Smith (International Star) ain't going to keep coming back if Ms. Aishwarya keeps dissing him.

Lastly, Ash if you are reading this, we didn't mean what we wrote in the headline. And yes, we are still on for lunch on Saturday.

Fat Indian girl wins against weight loss center

Hey Motu! Put the gulab jamun down! A woman successfully sued a weight loss center in Ahmedabad when she failed to lose weight as they'd told her she would. As a result, a consumer protection agency in Ahmedabad ruled that Anju Chajjer (the fattie) should get a refund of fees plus damages. We find this troubling because unless the center had a money back guarantee, we don't think regulatory bodies should get involved in these matters. As it is, Indian women are not very health conscious and so it is hard to know if Anju was eating butter naans all day long or not. If the weight loss center was ineffective, word would get out and market forces would eventually cause for it go under. This type of intervention on behalf of fat people especially we find troubling.

Kingfisher Airlines' staff is not that attractive

Good airline. Overrated staff. So I flew Kingfisher Airlines for the 2nd time after hearing all the hype about how goodlooking their staff of air hostesses is supposed to be. (note: I didn't choose them for this reason although since their rates were competitive, the allure of pretty girls did put them over the top) And I have to admit, I've been pretty underwhelmed with the group's beauty. They are not that good looking. Aside from the short skirts which you don't normally see in India, they are slightly above average - not the "Aishwaryas in the Air" that I was hoping for. Perhaps the short skirts distract people from their faces. Then again, I've only been on 2 flights and maybe all the hot ones were just taking the day off. And quite honestly, they were a bit overly nice. Asking if I wanted a mint one second, and a towel the next and a cookie the next. I just wanted to read without interruption. But that maybe just me.

Overall though, I do like the airline. And I think Vijay Mallya definitely is a model for a new type of Indian CEO. Someone who does things with a little flair. And I'd guess that Kingfisher maybe one of the first consumer oriented companies to build a brand outside of India. They are expecting to go public soon (next 5 months) which is fairly soon as compared to their launch one year ago. So continued best wishes to the airline. If they can bring on some hotter air hostesses in the interim, they'd have a fan for life in me.

India makes strides in HIV prevention. Still using condoms as balloons however.

Before we have sex, please put on this balloon. HIV infection rates have fallen by a third in the worst hit regions of south India according to recent research. The figures show safe sex awareness campaigns can have a dramatic impact. Still the problem is not small with more than five million people are living with HIV in India, and 75% of them in the southern states.

Researcher Professor Prabhat Jha stated, "There have been many predictions, mostly based on guesswork, that India's Aids problem will explode - as it did in southern Africa - but we now have direct evidence of something positive."

This is all good news. The only thing troubling us is the picture above with 2 men blowing up condoms. We hope that sex education in India is not about trying to distract men from having sex by having them play with condom balloons. As that is probably not sustainable.

Hrithik Roshan's son - does he have 6 fingers too?

Stop with all the Bollywood'esque drama Hrithik. So Mr Roshan had a son with his wife Susanne. This kid is going to get a lot more girls by the time he is 16 than I've gotten in my entire life so good for him.

But his papa Hrithik has got to lay off the corny, sentimental quotes a bit. In one article, he says the following overdramatic lines. These are good for Bollywood - not for real life.

Talking about being away from his wife shooting Dhoom 2 in Rio -- “And though we shot a really cool song in that exotic location in Rio, my heart was completely at home. I can't describe how it felt to be there in Rio knowing that the baby can come any moment. It was like being all packed and ready for a holiday to paradise. But this was one journey (fatherhood) from which I was not going to come back. So I was torn between these two extreme emotions of ecstacy and utter apprehension.”

I'm sure he wasn't having that bad of a time in Rio. Have you seen the women there??

And he follows this up with more melodrama:

“The journey towards fatherhood is the biggest bliss a man can experience,” he adds. “I started feeling the change within me nine months ago. And now I feel that the journey has finally culminated. I've never felt happier. This is the most perfect experience of my life.”

And it doesn't stop there. It gets better.

“Now that he has come, I feel a strange sense of peace within myself. It's as if there's suddenly more of Susanne to love. The baby is an extension of her, and I just feel as though my world has become more spacious, happier.”

Wow Hrithik! You really know how to exaggerate. In any case, congrats to you and the other hundreds of thousands who had babies in India today.

Aborting female fetuses lands doctors in jail

The Indian male staring problem is making sense. A doctor in India and his assistant have been sentenced to two years in jail for revealing the sex of a female foetus and then agreeing to abort it. It's good that India is cracking down on this type of female infanticide esp since the educated classes (i.e. doctors) should not be willfully promoting this type of behavior.

It is estimated that 10 million (MILLION!!) may have been terminated in India in the last 20 years. This is also leading to an imbalance in the male:female ratio in India. The national average is 927 women to 1,000 men. The northern states of Punjab and Haryana have some of the worst gender ratios in India. There are about 861 women for every 1,000 men in Haryana. It's therefore not surprising that women do feel threatened/unsafe in places like Gurgaon (Haryana) where there is such an imbalance. Not to mention that this future lack of females is only going to worsen the state of Indian male repression.

India will be the world's biggest superpower

But only if we fix Delhi airport. There is general euphoria and exuberance about India right now. For good reason. But these types of prognostications do seem to be a bit ahead of themselves -- "It is going to be India's century. India is going to be the biggest economy in the world. It is going to be the biggest superpower of the 21st century" by Clyde Prestowitz, president of the think tank Economic Strategy Institute and one of America's top foreign trade experts. Not to be a pessimist as I certainly hope this is true, but without a doubt, India has major issues it is still battling.

There is still a massive divide between the rich and poor. India is still the backoffice of the world and hasn't made the move (on a large-scale) to originator of new technologies and services nor does it have many world-class brands. Corruption is still quite rampant. Cows roam the streets. And did I mention, the Delhi Airport is terrible.

Question: Repressed Indian men and their staring problem. Why?

Me so horny. I came across this website called Journey Woman, and it basically provides travel tips to women traveling in foreign countries. And for India, it is not the most flattering picture - catcalls, guys trying to make advances and touch, grab, etc.

And so this got me thinking about my recent trip to India. As I walked with my fiance, I noticed how intensely guys will stare at an attractive girl even if she is with a guy. Here are my observations on this matter which I welcome feedback on:

It is indisputable that the vast majority of Indian guys (young and uncles as well) are extremely repressed. Most of the young ones have never been within 2 feet of a pair of real breasts (mom doesn't count) and the uncles are probably bumbling fools in the bedroom so I do understand the allure of seeing any female. It's the nature of the stares which is troubling to me.

There are two distinct types of starers.

1. The Professional Stare (i.e., the IT, BPO-walas) - These are stares of resignation and defeat. A sad looking "I wish I could have a girlfriend" type of stare. Harmless, pathetic and somewhat funny.
2. The Worker Stare (i.e. the chai, unemployed-walas) - Amongst the worker/poorer classes, it is more troubling because it is a more lascivious, threatening type of look. There was a study done some time ago in the USA where men were asked if they could get away with raping a girl and nobody would ever know, would they do it? I think something like 40-50% said yes. I'd venture to say that it would be much much higher in parts of India.

I also noticed that the staring and catcalling was much worse in Delhi vs Mumbai. I talked to a friend of mine at Google and he mentioned that 80% of the searches originating in India are for pornography. WOW!

Anyone have any thoughts on the above? What will make this improve? Are the vast majority of Indian men going to be in this perennial state of repression for the foreseeable future? Mumbai better than Delhi? How about Bangalore men? Chennai? Would a more sexually liberated society be good or bad for India?

Indian Muslim divorces wife in sleep

Islamic law is just so logical. An Indian couple has been ordered by Muslim clerics to separate after the man uttered "talaq" or divorce three times while asleep. Muslim clerics issued a fatwa [religious decree] asking the couple to live separately immediately after the news reached the local mosque. However, the couple, now legally divorced, insist that they are still in love and do not want to live apart. They have been married for 11 years and live with three children in a village north of Kolkata, capital of West Bengal. Although the couple wants to remain together, the clerics have ordered the woman to marry and spend a night with another man during a separation period before the couple can remarry.

Why India honors Muslim laws on marriage, divorce and property while its Hindu majority follows a British-inherited system on civil matters is beyond me, but this story is beyond ridiculous.

It does have me thinking, what if I utter "sex with two women" in my sleep 3 times. Will my fiance be obligated to provide that to me? If the answer is yes, I can see some merits in this whole Muslim law thing.

My not so excellent adventure part II: Nightmare in Paris

Boycott Air France. We arrived in Paris late and missed our connection to NYC. Of course, the French staff are rude beyond belief as only the French can be. I do acknowledge that Indian passengers can be a bit unruly. We, especially, the non- or less-English speaking of our people tend not to be very polite. We always seem to stand up before the flight has come to a complete stop to get our stuff because I guess there is some race and prize to get off the plane first which I have never heard about. BUT that said, if you are willing to take our money, wipe the smug French look off your face, smile and provide the same service you'd provide to your smelly countrymen.

Needless to say, I waited in Paris for 8 hrs before taking off for NYC. During this flight, I had diarrhea (how appropriate for this blog). I'm sure my every 1/2 hour runs to the loo provided amusement to other travelers. In the flight from Paris to NYC, I visited the bathroom 11 times. I think that is some sort of Guiness Book Record so we are reaching out to them to see if I might be included.

Total travel time 29 hours door to door. Over one day of my life lost vomiting, battling exhaustion, shitting and smelling and dealing with the French. Memorable.

My not so excellent trip back from Delhi to NYC

Chaos reigns in Delhi. I like New Delhi for the most part. But Indira Gandhi International Airport is a national Indian tragedy. I flew out of there on Sat, March 25 to New York via Paris, and it felt like 80% of India was at the airport. No order, no system - just chaos and thousands, no millions, of people. Luckily, the Government has selected a consortium led by the GMR group to develop the Delhi airport, but this cannot happen soon enough.

My experience at the airport was made worse by the fact that I was dehydrated and fainted while in the customs line. While I don't know their names, I'd like to thank the uncle with the hat who gave me some water, the shaved bald doctor (I think) with his kids and wife who immediately took action when I passed out and the older British woman (another doctor I believe) who assured me it was just dehydration and not the Bird Flu (thankfully). The airport doctors were also pretty helpful as was the guy who pushed my wheelchair through security and to the airplane.

Once I finally got on the plane, I'd like to acknowledge the generally unpleasant and smelly French couple who I sat next to who seemed upset by the fact that I was ill. During this trip, it dawned on me that the French are generally a pretty bitter and unhappy lot who I don't particularly care for (that's another blog entry though).

As soon as I sat on the plane and was seated, I proceeded to vomit into a air sickness bag but also missed a bit and had vomit all over my shirt. The prospect of festering in my own vomit from New Delhi to NYC was not pleasant, BUT thanks to my wonderful fiance, I had an extra set of clothes in my hand luggage which I could change into to feel a little less disgusting.

We then took off and I passed out (on purpose) and awoke in Paris.

Desi Diarrhea - Now don't you feel better?

My sisters and friends have suggested I use a different name for this blog. It came down to Desi Vomit or Desi Diarrhea - neither of which was highly liked. Alliteration won out in the end.

As the name implies, this blog, like diarrhea will be an uncontrollable look at anything and everything Indian. There are a few contributors, and we hope that we can amuse, anger and/or inform you. Of course, your suggestions, fan or hate mail are welcome and encouraged.