India Impresses in the Winter Olympics - Zero Medals

Been a while but I was so impressed by India's performance in the Olympic Winter Games that I had to break my silence and write a post. Why was India's performance so impressive? Because it is hard in a country of 1 billion people to be able to actively not find anyone with talent enough to win a single medal.

Just one.

But India doesn't have the weather to do these sports you might argue? Perhaps but then India would do amazing in the summer olympics since the country has an abundance of summer weather.

Here's my plan for India's winter games future:

• Find sports which are less popular and hence less competitive
  
• Find sports that work with the Indian physique (luge, skeleton where skinny, Indian dudes might do well)
  
• Find sports which require less athletic talent (curling anyone)
• Become vocal advocates for new sports including "Ice Carom" or "Snow Cricket" which India might be advantaged in

Pathetic!

Losing you hair. Avoid trichology. It's a scam.

So as I get older, a bunch of my friends are starting to lose their hair. And so it's fun to hear all the crazy crap they do to try to preserve their hair. Herbal remedies, rubbing various essential oils and crap on their scalp, drinking some terrible smelling concoctions, buying expensive shampoos, etc etc. They continue to lose their hair unfortunately (although it is pretty damn funny at times) and also seem to be losing money chasing all these dreams for a full head of hair.

Sometimes, however, one of my friends tells me he is trying to do something which seems super expensive and like a bad idea which I try to advise against. They never listen, but I guess the fear of losing one's hair is so powerful that normally smart guys will do dumb things.

My one good friend (Joe for this post) is fanatical about keeping his hair. When I say fanatical, I mean that no conversation goes by without Joe lamenting about his hair loss. He is maniacal about it - to the point of being neurotic. He does the proven stuff, e.g, propecia, rogaine, laser comb, etc and short of committing a crime, he will try pretty much anything else. And so he called me a couple of weeks ago excited that he found the cure - a science called trichology. Basically, trichology and the people who practice it (trichologists) are supposed hair loss specialists. There is lots of stuff on the net about this "discipline" he said so he was convinced it was legitimate.

He paid a few hundred dollars for a consultation with a trichologist - "some British guy" per him. He came back fuming from his visit. Basically, the trichologist said "You're doing the right stuff already and it seems that this part of genetic hair loss. What you are doing may slow it down but can't stop it." WOW. That is some insight. So if you're doing the legitimate stuff, you're probably not going to get much benefit from a "trichologist". It sounds impressive to say you have gone to a course and have studied the science of trichology, but this seems like a made up science.

Going forward, please call me a blogologist.

For those who want a hot Indian girl, maybe this will help

So my friend swears that this program called I Want a Hot Indian Girl has changed his life and helped him meet, date, and sleep with hot Indian girls. When he told me this, I laughed my tail off and made fun of him for a good 20 minutes along with several other friends.

I looked at the site and then laughed at him more. I'm married so I have no idea if this thing works, but the site is entertaining for sure. He swears (my friend that is) that this book has changed his life. He does seem to do well with the ladies, but I refuse to believe a book containing "strategies" about how to get a hot Indian girl helped him achieve this.

The guy who wrote the book dubs himself The Indian Legend (I can't make this stuff up. I told you it was ridiculous). If you are married, a homo or a white supremacist and therefore have no interest in hot Indian girls, I'd still say goto the site just for a good laugh. Crazy f'in people out there.

BTW, have to check out this guy's blog. The entry about AILFs (Aunties I'd Like to F^ck) is highly disturbing.

Happy New Year! Mr Natwarlal is back...

It's been a long time my friends (and enemies). I was consumed with "real work" so have been away from my trusty blog. But I'm back. And better than ever. Keep checking back for more explosive brown thoughts on Desi Diarrhea.

Sean Stewart - No talent spoiled b1tch AND racist - what a winner

So there is a show on A&E called "Sons of Hollywood" which "tracks the daily lives of three scions of Hollywood: Randy Spelling, son of the prolific television producer, the late Aaron Spelling; Sean Stewart, son of music legend Rod Stewart; and rising talent manager David Weintraub."

In short, the show is terrible. But that's not why I'm writing about it. I just saw an episode where the 3 guys are cooking an Indian dinner for their moms. And during dinner, Sean Stewart makes several racist remarks towards an Indian man, BabaG, who helped them cook dinner and offers them a bunch of new-age yoga mysticism and the like. The comments ranged from "all you Indians looked the same" to various camel references and other unimaginative yet highly racist remarks.

Before I get to Sean, my first comment is to commend BabaG for figuring out a way to exploit these clueless, rich white kids out of their dad's money by selling a bunch of packaged b.s. eastern mysticism. In their pursuit of being deep, "finding themselves" and getting out of their parents' shadows (who actually achieved something), BabaG has figured out a lucrative niche to make some money. Kudos to BabaG. And I love the name.

Now to druggie, loser, racist f@ck Sean Stewart. For those who haven't seen the show, Sean is more talentless than Paris Hilton (to give you a sense for what we're dealing with). He is pursuing a music career and even his dad tells him he is talentless. He whines about the lack of support from his mommy & daddy when he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and has lived off their achievements for his brief, very unremarkable life. At some point, Sean will overdose on some drugs/booze, and as a result, the world actually will be a better place.

A&E should apologize to the Indian community for Sean's racist tirade. If he'd said the same thing about blacks or Hispanics AND more than 5 people watched the show, there'd be an outcry.

If you have a second, drop a line to A&E and tell them that Sean's racist Indian comments are not acceptable and that they should apologize. In your email, you may also want to suggest they give Sean some cocaine so we can accelerate his demise and removal from the planet.

Click the contact us link on the A&E site to make your comment. It can be found at http://www.aetv.com/sons-of-hollywood/.

American Idol -- Vote for Sanjaya

Vote for the half-Desi! So Sanjaya is not a good singer. And he's a bit fruity with his hula dancing and sometimes FOB moustache, but I do acknowledge that he's not a bad entertainer with his hair and effeminate dancing. More importantly, it would be hilarious if he won American Idol. It would be very American if he won, in fact, especially when tons of non-talented people are what regularly are talked about in the USA - Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, etc. America loves stories and personalities - not talent. So vote for Sanjaya for American Idol. Maybe it'll be Sanjaya for President next.

Also, Simon has said he'd leave Idol if Sanjaya wins. It would be great if Sanjaya won and we got to see an Indian symbolically stick to it the Brit in the year of our 60th anniversary of independence from Britain. Mere bharat mahan.

Check out votefortheworst.com who along with Howard Stern have led the push for Sanjaya.

Vote for Sanjaya as the next American Idol!!

Indian men have little penises - This is not going to help us get chicks

It doesn't seem to be hurting our baby making prowess, however. The Indian Council of Medical Research has surveyed 1000 Indian men and found that condoms made to international standards are too large for Indian men, and as a result, they've asked for more varied sizing for condoms.

I find this article and study hilarious and disturbing. The fact that they had "Over 1,200 volunteers from the length and breadth of the country had their penises measured precisely, down to the last millimetre. " So how does one get enrolled in such a study? Does someone come upto you at train station while you are waiting and say "Since there are a few minutes until the train shows up, would you mind looking at this girlie magazine so that you can get aroused and so that we can measure your cock?" In conservative ol' India where guys are embarassed to buy condoms, I am curious as to how this study was conducted.

It's disturbing because "about 60% of Indian men have penises which are between three and five centimetres shorter". We are not talking about millimeters here my friends. This is a full 3 to 5 centimeters shorter. That is a major penis problem. I wonder how the other 40% stack up.

And on a serious note, this is a real problem "because about one in every five times a condom is used in India it either falls off or tears, an extremely high failure rate. And the country already has the highest number of HIV infections of any nation."

I'm sure all the men reading this are wondering how they stack up. This definitely does very little to bring up our international stature. So gents, get out your rulers and see how you fair. For those on the small side, don't despair. "It's not the size of the wave, it's the motion of the ocean." For unscrupulous entrepreneurs, there is probably a huge market in India for penis enlargement pills and devices.