KKR spearheads largest Indian leveraged buyout ever. This is big.

A happy posting for a change. I always get feedback that my entries are often negative about India and not the euphoric, crazy for India posts you see in the news and other blogs. So first things first, I'm not negative on India. I love the place, and I think that has insane amounts of potential. At the same time, there are a lot of stupid things going on in India and being done by Indians around the world. If you want to read fluffy b.s. about Aishwarya and India as the next superpower, you probably are at the wrong place.

But that said, this is some good and big news...

Kohlberg Kravis Roberts (KKR), the firm that invented and continues to be amongst the bad-asses in the private equity world just agreed to pay $900 million for 85% for Indian software maker Flextronics Software Systems. The leveraged buy out (LBO) is the largest in Indian history. (Google the term if you don't know what it is).

So this is good news on many fronts:

1. KKR's recognition of the Indian market is a blue chip endorsement of the country and its companies and will probably spur more private equity investment in India. Other notable PE firms such Blackstone, Carlyle, General Atlantic Partners, Warburg Pincus and Temasek holdings have already established a presence in India as well.
2. Although India lags behind China and other Asian countries in foreign direct investment, it is doing well in private equity. This is also just another positive sign from a foreign direct investment perspective.
3. It validates that larger deals can be had in India, those over $100MM.

Managing director of The Asia Venture Capital Journal, Paul Mackintosh put it best "Essentially this deal reconfirms the quality and validity of the opportunities in India. It confirms that Asia in general, and India in particular, is a place the new private equity funds can really put to work on a big scale."

Education Minister proposes removal of mathematics after 8th standard. Perhaps we should make school optional altogether?

Schools + No Math = Dumbass Kids. I feel like this blog survives because Indian politicians & government types do stupid things that I can write about. The latest comes from Education Minister Professor Vasant Purke who thinks that math (or maths for some of you) be optional after the 8th standard (8th grade for ABCDs).

In lieu of math, the state education department is proposing offering subjects like computer science, agriculture and handicrafts instead. A final decision will only be made "after a huge public meeting to be held next month, where the common man’s opinion will also be sought." Like it or not, the 'common man' of India is not equipped to make these decisions and the education of India's youth should be left to those who know what they are doing. Although from this initiative, it seems that even "those who know" need to go back to school themselves.

So as India tries to become a player in the global community, should an education system that lets students opt out of a core educational requirement of math be allowed? Does the education department really think that someone can do computer science who can't do basic algebra?

The reason for the proposal is students from the city as well as rural areas are sometimes unable to complete their 8th standard because of the difficulty of passing math. According to education department sources, “Maths is the one subject that most students fail in the SSC exam. We are looking at those students who give up studies after failing the subject repeatedly. Day by day the exam burden has increased and students are under tremendous pressure because of maths. Prof Purke has put forward this decision after receiving numerous complaints from parents.”

Not only are parents complaing, but surprise surprise, so are students. One brainiac commented "“Though I was good in science and languages, my results took a beating due to maths. Appearing for other subjects was never a problem but when it came to algebra and geometry I was all at sea. Though I took tuitions I was never able to understand the equations and calculations. I was good at simple mathematics till Std VII but in Std VIII when we were taught formulae I could never comprehend which one to apply where, hence I used to fail in these subjects and gradually lost interest in studies."

(1) "I was all at sea"? Did this kid even pass English? (2) I remember complaining about school subjects, teachers, etc throughout my education. It's part of what students do and this move to remove math is a cop out. Just because I didn't like or was having difficulty with a book we were reading or a mathematical formula doesn't mean it should be changed or removed.

This proposal sounds a bit like a person who breaks his finger and decides to cut off his arm to fix the problem. India needs a rigorous educational system. Requiring math doesn't mean that everyone needs to be a software engineer or financier, but just because you cannot do math doesn't mean you should be thrown into a career in handicrafts or agriculture. There is a lot of room in the middle and hopefully enough sense amongst the powers that be to see this. You just need to look at the US education system to see how a system increasingly less reliant upon the basics - reading, writing & arithmetic ultimately can serve to put a country at a disadvantage.

Is the world not nuts for nuts? Indian Economy Slowdown? Cashew Exports for '05-'06 Down 7% Over Prior Year.

Better Get Deez Nuts. Everybody's favorite governing body for nuts, The Cashew Export Promotion Council of India (CEPCI), released figures recently that indicated a sizable decline in the last year over the record-breaking '04'-'05 year for cashew exports.

For those interested, "The marginal decline in exports was attributed to the drop in prices during the last quarter of the current fiscal by about 15 per cent and the consequent request from overseas buyers to postpone part of the shipments originally scheduled for March to April-June 2006."

But nut-lovers, you should fear not...

The CEPCI has taken steps to ramp up consumption in states through several 'innovative' measures. Amongst the steps being taken are the following:

1. Two cashew festivals are being organized by other major kaju organizations who are hoping to stop this issue before it reaches epidemic levels.

- The Goa Cashew Manufacturers Association planned an event called Cashew Mahotsav to "attract foreign tourists and was conducted along with the international tourism festival of Goa". My non-Indian friends who were ambivalent about visiting India always would tell me "We'd goto Indian tomorrow if there was a cashew festival." Now they have no excuse.

- The Karnataka Cashew Manufacturers Association also has planned a major promotional event, "the biggest ever in India", named Kaju Fest (what a great name) from April 21 to 24. Tickets are going quick so if you are interested, get them quick.

2. But the strategies are not all about fun and festivals. CEPCI will convene the global buyer-seller meet which will be held at the Kovalam Leela beach resort where cashew importers from over 30 countries will deliberate on the marketing strategies. The hope is that a "a road map for global cashew promotion is expected to emerge out of this meeting".

As good Indians, I implore you to go out and buy a packet of cashews or any product made of cashews. This is a serious business issue facing the country, and we should do our part to help out.

Actor Raj Kumar dies and Indians in Bangalore lose their damn minds

I hope Amitabh stays healthy (for India's sake). People died in Bangalore as thousands of fans mourned the loss of actor and Kannada screen-icon Raj Kumar. I for one have never seen any of the man's movies because I don't speak more than a couple of dirty words in Kannada, but given the outpouring by fans, this guy must have been good. Cuz if you measure life's achievements by how many people die as a result of your own death, this guy has a lot of people beat.

As of today, six people died while "thousands of angry fans smashed cars, burnt buses and battled with the police on Thursday." The reason -- they were being restricted from seeing the procession or the star at his home.

The city of Bangalore, India's Silicon Valley, also ceased to function normally as virtually every institution, i.e. all MNCs, bio-tech, banks and private companies and state-owned enterprises, educational institutions, markets and restaurants, closed in observance of the actor's funeral and last rites.

1500 IT companies shut down including India's big guns such as Infy and Wipro thereby giving the day off to 300,000 employees in honor of the fallen star.

This is perplexing on many fronts and indicative of many things:

1. Darker skin pigment = More likely to act like an idiot and/or riot and burn crap. This is probably not a skin color issue (although there seems to be some anecdotal proof of that) and more of a fundamental have vs. have-not issue where those who don't have somehow have been brainwashed to believe that burning a car is in some way going to help them achieve objective. This is like those little Palestinian kids who throw rocks at Israeli tanks. Not only is it pointless, but it's usually you, the rock thrower, who gets hurt.
   
2. There are lots of dumb Indians. Yes I read about all the smart Indians making strides in business, politics, art, etc and I'm heartened and hopeful for more successes like theirs, but just given the sheer volume of us as a people, it seems entirely possible that there are more dumb Indians than the total population of the USA (270 million). There maybe more dumb Chinese but they never riot and do stupid things like this. Then again, they may want to but if they were to try to riot, the Chinese government might do mean things to them. But law & order does have its price, right?
   
3. Will time actually stop when Amitabh dies? If this was the reaction for a Kannada actor, India is going to be in a world of hurt when the Big B kicks it.
   
4. To hell with productivity. How does the hub of the Indian New Economy completely shut down for a day to mourn an actor's death? Name a street or theater after him or something, but the show must go on. I wonder what that one day cost the country and those companies in terms of revenue, profit, etc.
   

Bollywood willing to help out India. But only if they get paid a lot.

I love my India (but only for a price). At the recently concluded Commonwealth Games in Melbourne, Australia, an eleven-minute Bollywood extravaganza cost nearly Rs 40 crore ($8.9 million). At the same time, the daily allowance for Indian athletes was reduced by $30.

According to Shoaib Iqbal, deputy speaker of Delhi’s Vidhan Sabha, Rs11 crore was sanctioned by the central government and Rs29 crore was provided by the Delhi government for the ceremony.

Several Bollywood stars who didn't even participate in the 11 minute extravaganza were flown to Melbourne and put up in 5-star hotels courtesy of the fiscally responsible Indian government.

Some of the stars and staff who showed up to be paid all in the name of patriotism included:

• Manisha Koirala and Pooja Bedi allegedly who flew in but did not perform.
• Aishwarya Rai charged Rs 3 crore (~$675,000) for a few minutes work
• Rani Mukherjee charged Rs 2 crore (~$450,000) also charged for a few strenuous minutes of exertion.
• Priyanka Chopra and Lara Dutta also charged Rs 1 crore (~$225,000) simply for waving to the crowd.
• Hairdressers, make-up artists, and family members and friends were also allowed to get in on the deal with accomodation in luxury hotels to accomodate the stars.

“Though these stars repeatedly said they were glad to be part of Team India, they charged us huge amounts. I have a recording of Aishwarya Rai where she declares that she was participating solely due to her patriotic fervour. Nevertheless, she charged a whopping Rs3 crore to perform for a few minutes," stated Iqbal.

I find this whole escapade disturbing and hilarious on multiple fronts:

1. One billion people and no Olympic gold medals - As a country, we are either the most athletically uninclined people in the universe or just the most severely underfunded athletic department in the world. China goes to the winter and summer olympics and racks up numerous medals every time. We send a small group of poorly trained 'athletes' to these events on a global stage and come back empty handed everytime. Yes we win medals at the Asian games or the Commonwealth games, but who honestly cares about those? And so now to add insult to injury, our government is throwing money at Bollywood stars instead of building gyms, playing fields, swimming pools, etc. Priorities.
2. Bollywood stars are full of crap. If you listen to interviews with Bollywood stars, they always seem to say the right thing about a movie or their love of India, but this is proof positive that in the end, it comes down the almighty Rupee (or dollar). It's particularly appalling with someone like Aishwarya who acts all righteous in her media interviews but then can ask for absurd amounts of money for a few minutes of work.
3. Some Indian government officials have the IQ of monkeys. I can think of at least a couple million better uses of nearly $9 million when it comes to India. It's good to see our politicians putting so much thought into how they expend the country's resources. After all, all the fault doesn't lie with the Bollywood stars as if someone wanted to give me hundreds of thousands of dollars for a few minutes work, I wouldn't say no either.

Homer Simpson Heads To Bangalore

Even American cartoon character jobs are getting outsourced to India. In this week's episode of The Simpsons titled "Kiss, Kiss Bang Bangalore", Homer's nuclear power plant gets outsourced to Bangalore and he is sent there to train the new staff. In typical Homer fashion, the power of his new position goes to his head and lands him in trouble.

This is truly a sign that India has made its way into the American mainstream - it's psyche, imagination and now its pop culture. Although I'd imagine there will be plenty of stereotypical representations of India and Indians in the show, if we can laugh at ourselves, this should prove to be quite entertaining.

Indian politicians want investigation of wardrobe malfunctions

Politician-donkey comparison seems appropriate. Since there is not enough for politicians in India to concern themselves with, the hypocritical and attention seeking Shiv Sena have decided that a formal inquiry into the wardrobe malfunctions that occurred during Lakme Fashion Week require some more examination. With one model's top coming off and another's zipper coming undone, the brilliant Shiva Sena types insist something must be done to bring the offending fashion designers and models "to justice." Perhaps sending some of these Shiv Sena types to a fashion show where they see some flesh might lighten them up a bit and get them to focus on some issues that are actually of importance to the vast majority of Indians.

Indian politicians compared to donkeys. Why are we insulting donkeys?

What happened to reading, writing and arithmetic? A textbook in Rajasthan has come under fire after it made comparisons between donkeys and politicians. Politicians have complained and as a result the offending chapter will be deleted.

The book has been in use for more than a year. Amazingly, a comparison between donkeys and women didn't raise any objections. As someone about to get married, I particularly liked this passage which I will share with my fiance. "Donkeys, like Indian wives, can go hungry and thirsty but continue working... but whereas the wife keeps nagging the donkey does not complain. When she gets angry she starts a non-cooperation movement and threatens to go back to her parents, but the donkey never gets upset and serves its master faithfully." We look forward to our next bunch of leaders and wife-beaters to emerge from this esteemed institution of higher learning.

Wardrobe malfunctions at Lakme Fashion Week - Awesome

Show us your boobies! The conservative religious zealot types in India are going to have a field day with the wardrobe malfunctions at the Lakme Fashion week. The runway saw some busted zippers, swatches of fabric getting detached and some models trying desperately to keep their clothes in place.

Model Gauhar Khan had a skirt zipper that gave way. Everyone was treated to some cool fashion and a nice shot of Gauhar's ass (very nice). During Mandira Wirk’s show, portions of some outfits fell off and the models had to hold their skirts in place because the buckles were unfastened.

I'm not sure why you'd buy clothing from these designers. If they are not going to stay together during a show made to highlight and market them, I wonder how they'll do off the ramp. We are saddened, however, by the fact that we couldn't be there to see the gratuitous flesh shots. Glad to see India getting more into the skin biz.